YSunday, April 02, 2006
im not a menace and i dun seek for anything other than understanding.
stop tryina be an angel re-assuring me that u wana be friends and that u wana know me better.bleah.
im the owner of a hollow soul and an empty heart that so happen to still exist and beat in its death-morbid soul. if i could have a choice to end it..i would have, just like before. despite tryin alota ways, im still alive wit scars that just makes me feel worst. maybe i didnt really wana die..i just prefer physical pain in contrary to the mental and emotional pain that im goin thru..so i found an alternative...in which clearly doesnt work. with that, i seeked solace in learning more of Him..so i found serenity in religion. i was at peace wit myself and i came to life.awhile.
then i frail away from this serenity when i choked again. i stumbled and i fell. i was in solitude and i lost myself and i get traumatized by the daunting past. i am lost and i duno what else to do.so i caged myself in this place.my home. feelin more miserable then ever.
they call this a cause for my own destruction.
u cant define me cuz i joke behind hurt. u duno wat im feelin cuz i hardly display any negative emotion..i'll befriend u no matter how much u've hurt me. im not a hypocrite..neither am i a paradox of what's on my mind..im just afraid i guess. afraid of losin someone who's startin to matter..
i drink coffee over tea and i rarely take a stroll in the park. people expect me to be fit well im not. i read a book and i never really fathom evry line..i dun talk much about wat's botherin me except the unevitable obvious. a klutz in every unforseen embarassing moment, never being cautious of consequences..a fickle-minded selfless freak.. who tries to be indifferent wen people hurt her...only to cry alone at nite till she fall asleep and wake up wit a pair of swollen eyes.always longing for something out of reach and frequently fallin into the ditch of heartless pain and sorrow.
stop tryina tell me that it's gona be okay cuz i already noe it will be okay.ONE DAY. and YET so many days have passed. heh. dun waste ur time tryin to make things rite. because im just bound to exhaust u.
just be a friend.
a dear one at that. really wanting to know me better and make me happy. cuz i'll give u that chance.
this is me.and now u know..
SO after all this. tell me. are u really gona make me ur friend? go ahead..befriend me and tell me to keep it a secret cuz MAYBE ur ashamed..i'll accept it and look at it on the bright side and HOPE for a better reason.
haha! ;)
i wana know someone who's honest and sincere..who wun hurt me like the rest. one who really cares with no strings attached. one who'll accept me as i am with no additional criteria. one who with the same interest..who tells me he'll be there and literally mean it. he who look at me under a different lite.
i dun expect to know an angel..i just expect nothing more than understanding with him respecting me as an individual.
i MAY seek comfort...but only from the ones i trust..
_callous_ was here with you at
